


A Memoire of Another Time

by wyldehart



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M, Romance, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:41:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29301306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyldehart/pseuds/wyldehart
Summary: Elim Garak has decided to write his story about how he and Julian came together but there's a catch: Julian has gotten caught in a time-war between two Gamma Quadrant races and wound up a victim of it. Time becomes both friend and antagonist as Garak realizes that to fix the future, he must erase a part of his past- including his new relationship with Julian Bashir.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Kudos: 16
Collections: Star Trek: Just in Time Fest





	A Memoire of Another Time

The months were slowly winding by, trickling away bit by bit until my time as Castellan would finally be complete. For six years, I had served; two terms as Cardassians were most fond of things in threes. I could have chosen to run for a third term, but my hand-picked successor, a woman who was already greatly appreciated by our people even before I encouraged her to run, was eager to step into my comfortable boots.

It was time for me to move on, time perhaps find a planet more suited to my love of green things. Certainly, it seemed strange that after my 7-year desperation to return to my home world that I should be so eager to leave it. But I was bored and looking for someone—I mean—some _where_ that I might explore or raise my orchids or travel or anything. I won’t deny a touch of wanderlust; a desire to see the galaxy and all that was out there. Time was everything and time was rushing past me. I was running out of time to do all the things I needed to do in my life.

Just a few more months and I—

“Castellan Garak? Communication for you from Captain Ezri Dax. She said it’s urgent,” my aid called from the box on my desk. Well, damn. I had forgotten it was there.

I pressed a switch on the archaic device. “Patch her through, Neela,” I said, running my fingers through my black hair. I really needed a haircut; it was practically long enough to braid! “On screen,” I said as I rotated my chair around to face the large screen up on the wall. I grinned politely as Ezri Dax’s face appeared; she had that same nervous little smile she always wore when we chatted. She was such a pretty little thing, but we were total opposites in personality and barely got along when we did talk. To be certain, I still preferred Jadzia to Dax’s current host though I never failed to be polite to Ezri. “Ahh, my dear Captain Dax! What a delightful surprise. To what do I owe the pleasure of this chat?”

Ezri hesitated before replying and then said, “I need your help. It’s Julian—”

“Another lover’s quarrel?” I interrupted playfully. It was actually sarcasm; I loathed them together and couldn’t bear the thought of them touching. They had recently seemed on the verge of ending things for good and I couldn’t be happier. I take that back: I could be happier, but this would suffice for now.

“We broke up months ago! Doesn’t he ever write you?” she exclaimed, rolling her eyes like a frustrated child. She really was very much like a child despite her rank. I understood that she was quite competent as a captain and her crew loved her, but she was still very young and very naïve despite Dax’s experience.

“I’m so sorry to hear that…” I began as she cut in, saying, “It was your fault, you know. I was trying to convince him to commit and he was hesitant. He said he loved me but there was something holding him back. I did a little prodding and that ‘something’ is you. You’re holding him back. Why? Because, and I can’t explain how, but he’s in love with you. He isn’t aware of it, not really, but he is. He has been for years. I always knew something was up between you two and now I know. So, I let him go. I think we both breathed a sigh of relief when we broke up. Anyway, this isn’t why I wanted to speak to you.”

“And here I was thoroughly enjoying our conversation. Such a pity. Anyway, what trouble has our dear doctor gotten himself into this time and why do you need me to rescue him?”

I folded my hands over my lap and raised my left brow ridge as she hesitated. “Starfleet is asking you to head to earth immediately. You’re the last person they can count on to help him before certain—measures—are taken…” she said softly, her eyes averted as I watched her face closely. She was fighting back tears.

“What… Measures?” I asked, suddenly concerned.

“The kind that will place him in custody for a long time. He could lose his Starfleet career over this and I won’t let that happen. If it means I crawl to you for help, then that’s what I’ll do. Please, Garak! Go to him, help him, whatever it takes,” she said as she began to cry. I wanted to reach out and wipe away her tears with my fingers as I listened.

“Where is he?” I asked softly.

“He’s on Earth, at his parent’s house. You’ll find him there. Keep me posted?” she asked as she leaned forward in her chair. “Garak? Thank you.”

I watched the screen go dark as she disconnected the link.

Well, I thought to myself as I leaned back in my chair, this was most certainly not the conversation I expected to have with Captain Dax. I needed to head to Earth immediately and find the good Doctor before Starfleet put him in a mental hospital, which I know he would have absolutely loathed. I could leave though my work as Castellan would have to continue, even from Earth. My job didn’t end just because I was out running rescue missions for Starfleet, even if the man I was rescuing was a beloved friend.

Over the course of the next two days, I meticulously planned for all my meetings to be made through the comm system on my personal transport ship or from Julian’s home. I had a small device that would allow me to transfer those communications to whichever location I happened to be in. I was admittedly anal retentive about my planning, a byproduct of my days as a tailor, which I suspect was due to my desire for perfection in all things.

With bags packed and a goal in mind, I boarded my ship and smiled. This might be the last time in a long time that I would see Cardassia; a new adventure awaited me on Earth. With me was a modest crew of five Cardassian soldiers, each of whom were skilled in flying and navigating the kind of personal transport that my “yacht” was. Roughly inspired by Captain Sisko’s _Defiant_ , my much more elegantly designed ship was nevertheless a formidable one that could take out a much larger vessel if needed. I liked thinking of her as a viper: beautiful, graceful, and deadly.

The soldiers themselves were part of my personal guard and acted both as security and staff for my trip. I didn’t like traveling with a full security compliment so I chose the best, most well-rounded team I could find. It was absolutely necessary that they were also fiercely loyal to me. They were already onboard when I arrived and had efficiently begun their pre-flight preparations.

“We are clear for departure, Castellan Garak,” the pilot said as he rose from his seat. I shoed them all back down into their positions and looked over the consoles, which used holographic controls and a frameless viewscreen. The navigator looked up at her targeting screen and put in the destination coordinates for our journey. “Destination is set, Castellan. You can follow along from your ready-room if you like,” the navigator told me with a smile. A third man manned the helm at the moment while the other two stood ready to assist as needed.

My vessel could be flown either by myself alone or with a full compliment. I preferred a more modest crew that could serve whatever role I desired. They were handsomely compensated for their time and their families cared for. I was nothing if not generous to those who depended on me for employment, which, as a result, had earned me wide praise with little turnover. Even on such short notice, my crew was eager to help, even if it meant months away from home. I suspected it would be a few weeks, however, but one must always plan for whatever contingency arises.

I sat down in the captain’s chair and watched with a content grin on my face as my ship slowly left space dock and head out on its course to the Sol System and a world I hadn’t visited in years. I wondered how it had changed and if my house in Paris still looked the same. I made a promise to myself that I would look in on it, which I had left in the hands of friends in the off-chance I ever returned to visit.

With my destination set and my vessel and myself in good hands, I headed back to my quarters and my ready room. “Computer: Open a comm to Amsha and Richard Bashir on Earth, London, and locate their dwelling address.” I always had the urge to thank the pleasant-sounding voice that responded, “Affirmative. Comm sending. Awaiting response.” A moment later, the voice then said, “Comm open.”

“On screen, please.” My politeness was unnecessary, which I knew, but it was force of habit even when talking to machines, a habit I had no desire to shake.

Julian’s mother appeared before me on the holographic viewscreen and smiled at me. “Hello?” she said as she leaned closer to the screen. She was older but still a lovely human being, even in her advancing years.

“Good day, Mrs. Bashir. How are you today?” I asked cheerfully as I leaned back in my comfortable chair. All my chairs on this ship were comfortable.

“I’m doing very well, sir. I believe I remember you… Mister Garak, yes? You are the tailor on the station my son used to work on? How are you?” she replied pleasantly. “Weren’t you two friends?” she asked me hopefully.

“We still are,” I replied. “At least I hope, anyway. I wanted to let you know I am on my way to see Julian at Starfleet’s request. How is he?”

Amsha’s face fell slightly and she was forced to look away. “He…manages. It isn’t easy. I am so happy that you’re coming. He wouldn’t even speak to Miles, Mr. Garak. Do you think you can return my son to me?”

That took me by surprise. “Madam, what is going on with Doctor Bashir? Captain Dax was very vague with me.”

“You will see when you arrive. His father and I don’t know what to do and we’re worried that Starfleet will put him in a hospital soon if he doesn’t snap out of it. You just… You need to see for yourself. The doctors said he is physically fine but emotionally, he’s just shattered,- and he won’t speak to anyone,” she said in a soft, gentle voice that ached with love and fear for her son.

“I see,” I said gravely. “I’ll be there in a couple of weeks, madam. Hopefully, he will allow me to help him. We always were quite close. See you soon, Mrs. Bashir.” I sighed as I switched off the comm and closed my eyes for a moment as I considered Julian’s situation. What exactly had happened to him, I wondered. It had to have been terrible, I thought, rising to my feet to walk over to my bookshelf. I had quite an assortment of books both electronic and bound, that came from all over the Alpha Quadrant.

I pulled one from the shelf, a hard bound tome from Earth by Carl Sagan, a 20th century astronomer and philosopher. His writing was lovely, relaxing and

always so full of inspiration and hope, which I so badly needed right now. I had begun my journey thinking that a quick chat with the doctor would be all that was needed, and I would be on my way to new adventures, perhaps even with him. But life is not always so kind.

Over the course of the next twenty days, I entertained myself through books, music, teaching the replicator new recipes and trading seats with my crew to give them some time to themselves. We reached Earth at warp factor 4.5 in fantastic time and soon, my sleek little yacht was being hailed by the Earth starport.

“Good morning, madam! I hope your day is going well!” I said cheerfully. “My name is Castellan Garak and I am here at Starfleet’s request. My itinerary should be straightforward enough for you,” I said as I sent over Starfleet’s request. My personal documents and status as a world leader should have been straightforward enough for the pinch-faced Federation gatekeeper but she clearly viewed my race as an issue. Ah, xenophobes.

“There’s a Cardy trying to gain access to Earth. He’s actually trying to claim he’s the world leader of Cardassia and on a job from Starfleet. Since when does Starfleet deal with Cardies?” she asked a superior who was out of sight of the comm. She hadn’t even bothered to place me on hold during her racist little inquiry. I leaned back in my seat and made a face.

“I’m not interested in annexing Earth into the Cardassian Union if that is what you’re worried about,” I told her dryly. “At least for now.”

The superior seemed as annoyed with her as I was and he leaned in close to the monitor to say, “Castellan Garak? You’re free to dock. Enjoy your stay.”

“ _Thank_ you, sir!” I said cheerfully as I switched off the comm and gave my crew the signal to dock. I rose and turned to each one with a knowing grin as I said, “Behave. The humans still view us as scary aliens with scales and fangs so we must be on our best behavior. The 60 years wasted subjugating the Bajorans has not earned us the Federation’s affection, unfortunately. You’re free to explore, just… Be polite. And wear civilian clothes! The military uniforms frighten them!”

We transported down to the surface where I rented a skimmer and headed out to the local fast transport to London where the Bashirs lived. I was mostly ignored by other passengers though a couple did stare at me for nearly twenty minutes until I smiled broadly at them. The woman looked away though her husband kept staring, which prompted her to smack him. Eventually, I blended in well enough that the crush of bodies barely noticed mine as we exited the vehicle and I stepped out into the most impossibly cold air I had ever experienced in my life. And it was raining.

I ran for the skimmer I had requested in advance and increased the heated air as high as I could tolerate it once I was in the cabin. A coat and thermal protection would be necessary if I were to explore the lovely city of London while I was here, I decided.

The skimmer, having been set with the coordinates of my destination, arrived in short time before a modest, old world style house that was bursting with color and charm. It had to belong to the Bashirs, no doubt. I exited my vehicle, which obligingly parked itself nearby and I ran to the door, pounding on it as I contemplated life as a Cardassian popsicle.

I saw the welcoming face of Julian’s mother and immediately hugged her (as much to warm myself as to greet her fondly.) “Welcome, Castellan Garak,” she said with an awkward laugh as she brought me inside. I was shivering so she drew me close to a wood burning fireplace and placed around my shoulders a soft, thick blanket purloined from the nearby couch. “Computer: increase temperature by 15%,” she said.

“Madam, there’s no need. The fire and the blanket will suffice,” I lied. Truthfully, I didn’t want my presence to be a burden.

“Nonsense, dear. You’re a guest and it is quite cold outside. We’ll survive a slight increase in temperature.” A bowl of something hot and savory was thrust into my cold hands, which I accepted with a nod of thanks. To my delight, it was soup! Hot and perfectly seasoned, it was filled with chunks of what I suspected to be chicken along with the most amazing array of vegetables. It was hearty and blissfully seasoned, a concept most humans failed to grasp. I wondered if I could teach Julian’s parents how to make a nice _yamok_ sauce since they were clearly adept at flavoring food properly.

With my belly full and a mug of hot redleaf tea (or a fair equivalent) in my hands, I gazed at the two older humans with their worried expressions as I stood in front of the wonderful fire (which I later realized was holographic). “Where is he?” I asked softly.

Julian’s father pointed to the wooden stairs and said, “I’ll escort you. Come with me.” How lucky the doctor was to have such lovely, loving parents even though he resented their decision to enhance his genes. I understood his resentment, but I yearned for their affection, something I had never received as a child, save from Tolan Garak. While I doubted that I would ever become a father myself, if I did go down that path, I would be more like Julian’s loving family. I picked up my bags and followed the elder Bashir to the bottom landing. As I mounted the steps, a small, bushy creature dashed ahead of us and watched me as I ascended. It was like a grey, sharp-eyed duster with feet and observed me warily as if trying to decide what to do with me.

As we topped the landing, Julian’s father gestured to two rooms and said, “That is Jules’ room. Yours is next door on the right. If you need anything, anything at all, you need only to ask. My wife and I are further down. The office is the last room on the hall and there is a bathroom about half-way. Do you have any dietary considerations?” His compassion for me, a stranger and Cardassian at that, was fascinating to me. Usually humans were so suspicious of my kind but these gentle folk treated me as they would a friend.

I placed my hand on his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze as I said, “If the rest of your cooking is as good as that soup, I think my dietary needs will be met. I’ll join you in the kitchen after I’ve settled in and see if we can’t teach each other some new dishes,” I said with a cheerful smile as I turned back to the bedroom before us. “If you don’t mind,” I said softly, “I’ll stay in Julian’s room with him. We have shared space before and I think my presence will either relax him or greatly annoy him… Either will be fine at this point,” I laughed.

His father grinned knowingly and knocked on the door. Like all doors these days, it was automatic and had a chime installed but these were delightfully simple folk who lived easy, simple lives despite the technology around them. When no answer came from within, the old man knocked again and followed it with words, “Jules? We brought someone here to talk to you: your Cardassian friend, Mr. Garak. He is eager to see you. May he come in?”

A moment later, as if a long breath had been drawn in and exhaled, the door slid open and revealed a dark, lifeless environment where the only light emanated from the computer station in the corner. The cat immediately darted inside and ran for the window with its drawn shades and perched on the sill where it watched us both. I stepped in after the cat and set my bag down by the door where I waited for my eyes to adjust to the dark room.

The doctor was seated in a chair near the bed wearing comfortable old pajamas, slippers, and a blanket around his shoulders. He stared out into the darkness and barely acknowledged me as I drew near. “My dearest friend, I am here for you,” I whispered as I approached him. He remained silent as I placed my hands on his shoulders and kissed the top of his head. “I’ll be staying with you in your room until you get better if that’s acceptable. Or even if it isn’t acceptable,” I added with a wry twist of my lips. I couldn’t tell if he was listening but a change in his breathing suggested he had heard me.

I looked back at the bed and decided that both of us could fit on it if a bit cozily. I hoped he enjoyed cuddling… How could he not? “Do you mind if I use the computer? I need to inform my staff that I made it here in one piece.” He looked at the computer, back at me and finally shrugged. Ah! A reaction that didn’t involve me getting kicked out. It was something at least.

I headed over to the computer and logged into my personal account on the comm system I had set up before I left. “Avina? Hello! Just letting you know I’m with Doctor Bashir. It’s simply _dreadful_ weather here; cold and wet, not something we Cardassians can ever adjust to. How is the election going? That well? Is Doctor Laing still in the lead? Excellent! Ahh, soon you’ll be dealing with Natima’s messes instead of mine. Please inform Gul Macet that his son is on Earth and hopefully staying out of trouble. I refuse to babysit adults, which is why I brought him along. I like Perant Macet; amazing just how different from one another they are! It just goes to show that blood and upbringing aren’t everything! Please do take care and I’ll check in again soon. What? Wait, say that again? You’re joking. They couldn’t wait until I returned or entertain one of our own diplomats? Fine. When? I see. Have Ambassador Tollath contact me here and I’ll see where we can meet. Vulcans… I swear… Thank you again, my dear. I’ll talk to you again soon.”

I caught up on more work, signed a few laws, revised a few more and completed everything I needed to do as the day finally ended me. I sagged in my chair until mustering the strength to move. I eventually hauled myself out of my comfortable seat to visit the bathroom for a quick shower (real hot water, thankfully) and a long overdue visit to the toilet. I exited the bathroom wearing a towel around my hips and paused over my bag as my eyes met Julian’s; he was watching me closely. His expression was a strange mix of affection and curiosity, much like the cat’s as it too observed me from its perch. Lacking human modesty, I dropped the towel and, naked, I proceeded to dig through my bag until I located the pajamas and the dainty undergarment I was to wear under them. Normally, I slept nude but being a guest along with the frigid temperatures of my host’s environment, I had chosen to sleep clothed, at least until Julian and I had come to an agreement of sorts.

I smiled at him and reached for the bed as he watched me. “Are you coming?” I asked as I patted the firm mattress. It was “firm” by human standards but soft by Cardassian standards, which meant it was perfect by my standards. I had grown accustomed to the human mattresses that flooded the space station during my time in exile on Deep Space 9. Upon returning to Cardassia, I had made a point of having my bed be as close to a human firm as possible.

Julian made his way to the bed but before he could climb in, I caught a whiff of human male body odor, which I personally found revolting. Unwashed human men were vile things that had a musky, faintly animal-like scent that turned up the nose and made one cringe. “Oh no you don’t!” I protested as I walked around the bed, grabbed him by his arms and pointed him in the direction of the bathroom. “Shower first and place those nasty things you’re wearing into the laundry chute. You’re foul!”

He seemed offended but did as asked without verbal protest. I headed for an antique armoire pressed against the wall and found him a decent set of sleep clothes along with a change of underwear; he liked the dainty ones as well, it seemed. I held onto his change of clothes until he exited the bathroom wearing a towel clutched closed at his hips, his dark hair dripping water down his damp, smooth skin the color of warm mocha. I loved his skin and how I longed to taste it. He took the clothing I offered and slipped back into the bathroom without even a hint of his narrow bottom to dance in my fantasies as I slept. Ah well, I thought as I headed for the bed.

He soon joined me and rolled away from me on his side. I laughed as I recognized it as his silent way of saying, “Fine, you’re here and I’m stuck with you, but I won’t give you the pleasure of you seeing how relieved I am that you are here.” It was petulant and pathetic but so sweet that I impulsively hugged him. To my surprise, he did not pull away and, in fact, seemed to push himself tighter against me. Maybe he wasn’t so reluctant to be by my side after all!

I slumbered with few dreams to disturb my rest that night. The blanket I had borrowed from Julian’s parents was clutched around me as I slept and at one point, Julian had turned and was holding me from the front. Thus embraced, I slept quite deeply the rest of the night. I awoke several hours later in Julian’s warm arms and sighed happily. He was conscious and watching me closely, waiting for me to awaken.

“Good morning,” I murmured. He remained silent though he did gift me with a slight lift of the corner of his mouth. It was more than anyone else had gotten out if him in three weeks, I would later learn. His dark, hazel eyes met mine and then searched my face as I gazed back at him, my cheek nestled in the plump cushion of a pillow. Eventually he closed his eyes and snuggled close to me, his arms tightening around my body as he pressed his face against my chest. “Thank you for being here,” he whispered against me as I held him close.

We stayed like this for more than an hour until my body decided that we had cuddled long enough and warned me that elimination was imminent regardless of proximity to a toilet. I excused myself and swung my feet off the bed and onto the ice-cold floor. I yelped and danced across the expanse of hard, freezing wood to the bathroom, hissing with each step as if running across hot coals. Behind me, I heard a snort of laughter as Julian watched my escape.

When I finally emerged from the bathroom, he was seated on the side of the bed, watching me with wide, searching eyes. He observed me for several moments as I hunted through my bag for an appropriate suit for the media interview I had this morning. I made no attempt to hide my body from him as I dressed since I wasn’t shy to begin with and I was quite expecting him to eventually be undressing me himself. “I plan to be social with your parents for breakfast; will you be joining me?” I asked.

He stared back at me as if debating whether or not he wanted to talk to me before sighing and said in a low, hoarse voice, “I don’t _want_ to…”

“Ahh,” I said. “Well, I have an interview this morning much to my great irritation, and a lunch date with a Vulcan ambassador out in the city. I would love for you to join me. Could you join me?”

He blinked at me as if realizing that it would mean getting dressed in day clothes and mingling with humanity. But then his expression softened, and he smiled thoughtfully as he said, “You’re a pain in my ass, do you know that?”

“Naturally,” I responded with a grin. I almost cracked a joke about wanting to be a literal pain in his ass, but I resisted temptation and vowed to behave myself.

“Why are you here?” he asked, using his regular voice, if a touch soft.

I blinked back at him and replied, “Because you need me.” Of course, there was more to it than that but that was the gist of it. I then added, “…And because Ezri asked me to on Starfleet’s behalf. They’re very worried about you, as am I. But you’re talking now, which is a step in the right direction. Shall we go downstairs and get some breakfast?”

Without waiting for an answer, I reached for Julian’s armoire and pulled out what I thought would look best on him: his uniform. It was my thought that that the Vulcan would respond well if a member of Starfleet were in attendance. “You do realize that I cannot represent Starfleet on behalf of Cardassia, don’t you?” Julian said as he saw me eye his uniform critically.

“You won’t be,” I said in a distracted voice as I tsked the shoddy workmanship of the uniform. “You will be there for moral support and because it is unseemly for the Cardassian Castellan to be unattended while out in public. As my host on this planet, it is your duty to ensure my safety while I am here.” I looked at him and grinned, adding with a sly wink, “And if it lends tacit support from Starfleet regardless of why you’re really there, then it will be a bonus.” I threw his uniform at him and said, “Here: Get dressed. Make yourself look human.”

He dressed under my critical appraisal as I noted how much weight he had lost. He was slender to begin with, but he had lost muscle mass in the years since I last saw him, most of it recent I suspected. “You look like hell, Julian. We need to get you back into condition because your uniform doesn’t fit as well as it should.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said sullenly as he put his boots on. “I’m not going back to Starfleet.”

I was on him in the space of a heartbeat and grabbed his shoulders, my nose almost touching his as I tilted back my head to look up at him. “You’re acting like a child! This isn’t like you at all, Julian. What happened to the positive, spirited young man for whom Starfleet was more than a job? Where is that incredible person whose drive and alacrity often clashed with my own untrusting nature? Snap out of it!”

“Why do you even care, Garak? You should be leading your people! You’re Castellan, after all,” he yelled back at me. We were face to face, nose to nose and all I could smell was his hair and the soap he’d used on his skin. His proximity was intoxicating, and in my fury I nearly kissed him then and there.

“I’m _retiring_ , Doctor. I decided to quit after 6 years and two very successful terms,” I said softly, my eyes on his.

“Why?” he asked.

I hesitated. How much should I tell him? How could I tell him? I sighed as I resolved to tell the truth and said, “Because I got tired of living my life without you.”

“What?” the doctor asked, stunned by my admission.

“I’m in love with you—have _been_ in love with you for nearly two decades! I wasn’t happy without you and because there’s only so much time left in my life, well, I decided I wanted to spend it by your side. This wasn’t what I had in mind for our reunion, however. Despite this, I am happy to be here nonetheless.” There, it was said. I closed my eyes and waited for him to speak. When he finally responded, it was not with words but with a single, tender kiss to my lips that sent shivers down my spine with each leisurely caress of his mouth against mine. I let out a long, contented sigh and opened my mouth to him. He accepted the invitation and deepened the kiss, his tongue against mine in a sensual lingual dance.

The kiss lasted for several minutes until tapering off to nervous laughter as he pressed his forehead against mine in what was, in my culture, as intimate a sign of affection as any tangle of limbs. “I had no idea,” he said, licking his lips as he rubbed his nose against mine.

“I confess I wasn’t always in love with you. Initially, I just wanted to have sex with you if I must be honest,” I said.

“When was that?” he asked as he pulled away slightly.

“The moment I saw you,” I replied. “I found you exceedingly handsome, charming and magnetic in that uniform and your demeanor delightfully awkward.”

“And you never hit on me?” he said, aghast as if I had made a huge mistake, which in retrospect I had.

“Well, things got complicated,” I murmured. “You were into the ladies and I was too busy trying to keep Starfleet from kicking me off the station. Plus, we… When we became friends, it changed the dynamic of our relationship and I didn’t want to ruin what we had built. By the time I was ready to tell you how I felt, you were with Ezri and I had committed myself to rebuilding Cardassia. It would have been cruel to tell you at that point so I just… Moved on. Distance changed nothing, however.”

Smirking, he asked, “And do you still want to have sex with me?”

I reached my hand for one firm, tight butt-cheek and squeezed, pulling his groin against mine as I pressed my forehead against his. Nipping at his lips, I said, “What do _you_ think?”

He drew me into his arms and held me against him, his cheek pressed into my hair. “So, I guess I should tell you that I feel the same way about you. Ah, however, while I was attracted to you almost from the instant we met, I was in firm denial that I could be attracted to another man, let alone a Cardassian, a race which had a rather troubled reputation by that point,” he said diplomatically. “Then we became friends, very good friends, and I found myself longing to spend all my time with you. I was told by Sisko to find someone else to be _friends_ with and I began hanging out with Miles. While it was a good friendship to be certain, you’re the only person in the galaxy who could have pulled me out of this funk I’m in. He came. He tried to cheer me up, even installed a dartboard on my wall,” he said with a laugh as he gestured to the aforementioned game. “He failed. Even Quark came by with two very affectionate Dabo girls in tow and tried without success to pull me out of my personal internal prison. Only Ezri knew how I felt about you… I feel awful about how it came out. I hurt her.”

As I was about to speak, the alarm on my chronometer chittered at me and I groaned. “Interview time. Is there an office with a computer and a stately background that I may borrow for an hour or so?” I asked as Julian laughed and gestured for me to follow him.

My interview went very well, at least until the determined interviewer, a woman who worked for the cutting edge “ _Cardassian News Network_ ” began prying into my reasons for heading to Earth. I had long been capable of talking my way out of nearly anything but becoming a skilled politician had lent me the ability to talk around a subject without actually answering it. Somehow, the question of “Why did you go to Earth without warning” was answered by a long-winded explanation about race relations between humans and Cardassians and how I believed we would all be best friends in no time. Pressing me to give a proper answer only resulted in my addressing the fact that there were now at least a half dozen Cardassians in Starfleet by ( _wasn’t it exciting?_ ) and my asking her how she thought of our chances of joining the Federation. I never did answer the question to her liking. Too bad.

After the interview, we headed downstairs (feline companion in tow) and headed into the kitchen. Julian’s parents stopped, stared and watched us while we helped ourselves to eggs, bacon, scones with jam and sausages,all which the doctor’s mother had fixed during my interview. With his mouth stuffed full of eggs, Julian blinked between each of his parents, whose slack-jawed expressions made me giggle. “Jules?” Amsha said in awe.

“Yes, mother?” Julian said with a grin as his hand sought mine, an affectionate gesture not missed by his observant parents.

His mother and father reached out to him for a long, much-needed embrace, which eventually included me. I returned the hug, happy to be a part of this awkward, dysfunctional if loving family. “You’ve returned to us,” his father wept against us both. “Tell us why you left?” he asked as he drew away and stared at the doctor, whose fearful eyes settled on me briefly.

“I—can’t tell you. I can’t tell anyone. It’s-it’s too hard. I’m sorry.”

“Give it time, Mister Bashir. Give it time. He needs to heal in steps,” I said softly as I hugged the doctor close. There was no sense in hiding our affection for one another since it was clear that the both of us were in love even without being open about it. His parents did not disapprove and even welcomed me.

Eventually, we put breakfast and the subject of Julian’s fractured emotions behind us as the time came for the second work-related task of the day: My meeting with the Vulcan ambassador.

Three hours later, we returned to the house freezing, soaked to the bone, and gasping with laughter as we stumbled up the stairs. I had no idea that sudden rainstorms could soak you in a matter of seconds but that’s what had happened, the wind absconding with our umbrellas and mocking us as we stood in the heart of a sudden deluge. Thankfully, it occurred after my very successful conversation with the Ambassador during which a treaty of friendship was signed.

We retreated to his bedroom sans feline and stripped out of our soaked clothes, tossing the piles of sodden fabric down the laundry chute as Julian filled the generously sized bathtub with hot water. “So… How do we do this?” I asked softly. I could feel myself becoming aroused as I looked at Julian, his naked body covered with gooseflesh as he faced me.

“Just get in,” he said with that stunning grin of his. I did and sighed with relief as hot water enveloped me. A moment later, he slid in behind me, his arms around my body and his lips teasing my neck ridges. I gasped and arched my neck as his mouth sent shivers throughout my body. I was fully erect, my hard member, the reproductive equivalent of a human cock, protruding fully from the slit between my legs where it usually remained protected by my body. Julian peered over my shoulder and into the water at the protrusion and reached for it, his slender fingers tightening around the shaft and thumbing the sensitive ridge of scales and soft tissue that ran along the underside.

I gasped and closed my eyes, my body a plaything in the younger man’s hands as he explored me. “I’ve never been with a man…” he murmured as his mouth continued to tease my neck and shoulders. I could feel his own hot erection behind me, pressing into my lower back as I leaned against him helplessly.

“That’s about to change,” I said as I shifted position in the water to straddle his hips. Normally, I preferred to enter a man for the first time, but the limited size of the bathtub, the urgency I felt, and my knowledge of human anatomy challenged that resolve. We would need lubrication for me to enter him but none for him to enter me, plus, I really needed this badly. The last time I had had good sex was well over two years ago when Doctor Parmak and I had joined bodies after a heated argument. It hadn’t been our first time, nor our last attempt at intimacy but it was the last time I had enjoyed it.

Humans require friction, Cardassians do not, so for him, I slid down his shaft until he was completely inside me. We both gasped as I slowly ground my hips against his groin, my red-tinted engorged cock rubbing against his body in slow motion under the water, something which fascinated us both. Julian grasped hold of it and squeezed as he leaned forward for an open-mouthed, wet kiss. Our motions were causing water in the bath to slosh onto the floor but neither one cared; all that mattered was the moment.

I could tell that he was about to climax when he moaned and pressed his teeth gently into my shoulders, his hips thrusting hard into my body. It hurt, oh it hurt, but it felt incredible. I gently reminded him to slow down, which he did until he came, holding me in place as he pressed his forehead against my shoulder and whispered my name over and over through joyful tears.

When he was finished, I rose from the tub and held out my hand to him as I stepped out. I grabbed a towel for him, and we dried off as we walked to bed, which lay unmade since we awoke earlier that morning. I produced a bottle of lubricant and sat it down on the bed as Julian reached inside me for my cock, which was flaccid and hiding now. “You’re brave,” I said with a grin. “Most humans get a little cringy when dealing with flaccid Cardassian males. Are you _certain_ this is your first time?” I asked with a grin.

He laughed as he pushed me back against the pillows and positioned himself so that he could take my cock into his mouth. “I’m a doctor so reaching my hand into the body cavities of other species is nothing new to me. In addition, I have had sex with a _lot_ of women, many of different species. There is nothing here to be cringy about,” he said as he opened his mouth and guided me inside. I closed my eyes, once again struck by how incredible his touch was. He had just the right technique with his tongue to arouse me once again and he concentrated from the middle of my cock to the base save for an especially sensitive ridge about an inch from the head, which Cardassians used as a kind of fleshy battering ram during sex with females, who could be difficult to enter unless extremely aroused. As a result of this abuse, the tip was hard and not very sensitive save for that one spot which coincided with an equally sensitive ridge on females at the opening.

Cardassians were extremely sexual beings and these intensely arousing erogenous zones were one reason. A healthy libido was another. Because I enjoyed the company of all races, all genders, it was easily arguable that my libido was stronger than most and it took scarcely more than a few minutes of concentrated effort for me to become fully aroused.

I pushed Julian off me and grabbed him, rolled him over and raised his hips as I got to my knees on the bed. It was an awkward position, but I managed to lube us both up and slid my fingers experimentally into his narrow ass to push the lubrication in deep. Despite his weight loss, his butt was round, firmly muscled with a beautifully defined valley between the two fleshy mounds. At the center of all that muscle was a red, puckered hole perfect me to enter. He was tight, vice-like as I pushed deep and began to slowly grind against him. He moaned as I moved my body against his and, grinning, I reached for his cock and played with it and his balls while I made love to him from behind.

“This is incredible,” he sighed against the pillow as I fucked him gently, firmly and very slowly. “I could have had this all those years and yet I…” he said softly.

“Breasts, Doctor. It all boils down to breasts. Women have the most beautiful breasts, don’t they?” I said from above and behind him. He laughed and nodded. “Firm, round, sagging, perky, not perky… It doesn’t matter. I understand the allure of breasts.” Ziyal had had lovely breasts, which I had enjoyed the one time we made love, but her youth and innocence had been our relationship’s undoing as I eventually had fled the room after feeling like a perverted old man that night. This was so different, I thought as I closed my eyes.

With my release came a sense of completion as if I had at last done everything my life had asked of me. I reclined back in Julian’s arms, our lips and limbs sliding along one another in sensual harmony. I breathed against his skin, drinking in the joy of everything that Doctor Julian Bashir is and was. When he spoke, he did so softly as if trying not to fracture this fragile moment. “Garak… I need to tell you what happened…” he murmured against my cheek.

“I’m listening…” I said in reply.

What followed was an explanation of the events leading up to the moment Julian broke. It both horrified and fascinated me as what he explained was nothing short of fantastic. Before I begin, his story demands a preamble to explain the origins of his situation. You see, within the Gamma Quadrant live two very dissimilar races who were, nevertheless, once one and the same species with two distinct races. Genetically, when one strips away the forced modifications made by one race, they still were identical.

The Chiarre (the pronunciation is confusing, the CH sounding more like a K—it took me months to understand it since I use Federation English in much of my writing) are an incredibly beautiful, advanced race abounding with some of the most brilliant minds in the quadrant. They are tall, delicate, and graceful with a delicate-seeming physiology that belies the toughness within. They are also dear friends of the Cardassian people, and I frequently visit them whenever I can.

The Grekkar in contrast are large, towering creatures with only a hint of the grace of their race’s non-violent past overshadowed by centuries of genetic manipulation. They are violent, vicious and were attempting to fill the vacuum of power left by the now impotent Dominion. There was one problem, however, and that was the fact that despite decades of war against the Chiarre, many Grekkar were still interbreeding and having families with their more peaceful counterparts despite laws against it. The offspring were losing the Grekkar traits and passing on their genes to the next generation, effectively washing out all the artificial genetic manipulation of the past several hundred years.

Desperation had eventually driven the Grekkar to make a choice: to kidnap a single Federation doctor on a trip to the Gamma Quadrant for the sake of medical cooperation with another Gamma Quadrant species. This doctor, who was genetically advanced in his own right, would then create a serum that would modify the Grekkar genes so that only those traits that benefitted war and beating the Chiarre along with anyone else standing in their way, would survive.

Despite Bashir’s refusal on the grounds of Starfleet’s Prime Directive, the Grekkar who boarded his shuttle were able to shoot a mind-control drug into his system that left him paralyzed within his own body. He was aware of traveling to the Grekkar ship with his captors and formulating the necessary substance to block natural evolution and reinforce the version the Grekkar preferred in themselves all while lacking the ability to stop himself. The Grekkar then replicated the formula and shared it far and wide as Julian remained trapped in his body, horrified to watch and unable to stop it. Eventually, he was shoved into an escape pod and left to drift in space to slowly die.

This is where things get horrifyingly bizarre.

The Chiarre, who have a hybrid monarchy/democracy, are a time-traveling race who have among them rare people called “Travelers” who are able to traverse time and space on a whim. The “princess” of the Chiarre people, a woman whose mother is currently president, is one such traveler. Her small ship, personalized for her time jumps, was in the area where Julian was sent adrift and so she decided to rescue him. She had the drug necessary to counteract the concoction used by the Grekkar to control Julian’s mind and body and was able to restore him back to health.

Unfortunately, the Grekkar ship, which was a time travel ship in its own right, had sped into the future with Julian onboard so it was in the future where the doctor was left adrift in space. The princess, whose name is Erys, was unable to return him to his own time, or so she claimed, because she was needed in this time. On numerous occasions, she asked him to take control of her ship after showing him the controls, which he found disconcerting. “With a time crystal, you can go to any point in time on a whim,” she explained, showing him a delicate clear gem. It was almost as if she were preparing him for something yet to come. Knowing the enigmatic young woman as I did, this came as no surprise to me.

They eventually beamed down on a ruined rock of a planet ravaged by more than 600 years of constant war. There were very few Chiarre left and, Julian soon learned, they were on the verge of extinction. As they ran through the Chiarre side of the battle, stopping only to lend medical aid as needed, Erys explained that there was still hope. “What you unleashed can be undone,” she said. That’s when Julian saw the massive, hulking creature that his serum had created: the Grekkar had evolved into monsters whose only purpose was war. Even though he was forced to do it, Julian’s actions had led him to break several Federation laws, especially those concerning the Prime Directive and gene modification and the gravity of these truths sent Julian into a dark, horrifying place within himself as guilt consumed him.

“It can be undone, Doctor!” Erys insisted as she handed him the time crystal and backed away from him.

“How?” Julian recalled shouting as the massive creature descended on Erys. He was certain that it killed her. The Grekkar then turned to Julian and lunged just as the Doctor recalled himself back to Erys’ ship. Hands shaking, his uniform drenched with blood and sweat, Julian placed the crystal into the activation slot and figured out how to send himself back in time to the moment he was left adrift. He realized he could have gone further back in time but there was nothing to prevent the Grekkar from attacking him again. It would create a paradox the likes of which the delicate crystal was not capable of withstanding. Like a recording set to repeat, the scene would play itself out over and over until one side succeeded or the time crystal burned itself out.

So, he chose instead to shut down and flee from life as he knew it, which brings us back to this moment in time.

“’It can still be undone’,” I told him with a smile. “Do you still have the ship? And the crystal?” I asked as I tilted his chin back and forced him to meet my eyes.

“Yes, but…” he started as I shook my head and kissed his lips.

“No buts unless it’s your butt,” I teased as I reached under the blanket to grab hold of his bottom. “We must fix this, both of us. It won’t be difficult,” I said softly. “You do know how to use the time jump capabilities of the ship?”

He nodded slowly and then held me as if I might disappear if he loosened his arms even a little. “Garak, I just got you! I don’t want to lose you now. What if the new timeline—?” he started as I touched his cheek with my fingers and rested my forehead against his.

“My love…” I breathed against his lips, “I was already choosing to find you anyway, having resolved to make this, _us_ , happen no matter what. We will find one another again, I swear it.” I reluctantly pulled away from him and slid my feet down onto the ice-cold floor and walked over to the table where my PADD was. “I need to ensure that I have a timely invitation so that I am guaranteed to cross paths with you to avoid the paradox of which you spoke.”

“How can you be certain it will work?” he asked skeptically as I sent Erys a message. “Isn’t Erys dead?” he asked.

“One version of her… Unless she survived the attack you described.” I waited for a response from her, which I received a moment later. “Ah! There we go. Because she dwells outside of time, she will ensure I get my invitation complete with instructions so that coincidence is not as coincidental as we might believe,” I explained.

I looked back at Julian with a wide-eyed serious expression and said, “We need to fix this now. Should we notify Starfleet?” I asked.

“Not unless you want the Department of Temporal Investigations on top of us,” he said with a grunt as he slid out of the bed. “No, it’s best we keep our plans to ourselves. They may still have questions for us but it’s easier to beg forgiveness than ask for permission.”

I stared at him with a broad grin and said, “Look at you! I’ve rubbed off on you!”

As he pulled a new uniform out of the armoire, he smirked and winked back at me, “Indeed, you have.”

After getting dressed and greeting the cat, Julian and I approached his parents. We hugged them and kissed their cheeks without explanation, knowing that this timeline would soon disappear. I hated time travel; the thought of it and the paradoxes it caused as you exchanged one timeline for the next. I was fascinated by the science of it but the reality of it caused me no end of discomfort. I often wondered if a shadow of the old timeline would remain after we went back and corrected things. That thought gave me small comfort. Still, this had to be done.

We headed for the spaceport where both our ships were docked. I collected my crew and sent them ahead to my yacht while Julian and I said farewell once more time. It would not happen again, I decided as I held him against me. “I love you,” I said. “Could you do me a favor? Take this data crystal and place it in the storage box within the console of Erys’ ship. The compartment is protected from temporal changes and the data crystal should remain intact.”

“What is it?” he asked as he looked it over.

“It’s the memoir I was working on prior to my arrival here. I’ve added to it so that we have some idea of why things will happen when they happen. It will nag me if there’s a sensation of things aligning too perfectly. This memoire will offer me a feeling of purpose to what will otherwise feel too coincidental to be coincidence. That makes no sense,” I realized with a laugh as I leaned into Julian’s arms. We kissed one last time and slowly walked away until we could no longer see one another.

I boarded my ship and gave the order to depart. “Heading, sir?” the helm asked.

“The Chiarre system,” I said as I settled into my chair.

“Sir, there’s a Chiarre ship hailing us. The occupant is-is human!” Ops looked back at me with wide eyes.

“On screen. I know who it is,” I said with a grin.

“Good luck,” Doctor Julian Bashir said with a gentle grin as he looked at me from the screen.

“Good luck to me? You’re the one doing all the hard work!” I laughed. “Good luck to you,” I said. “You know what to do?” I asked.

“Yes, I do. I’m ready when you are.”

“Engage,” I said with a smile.

***

I was disoriented, dizzy and had to grip my chair to remain upright. “Sir? Are you alright?” the helm asked, her expression worried as I pressed my fingers against my forehead.

“Of course. Yes. What is our heading?” I asked as I slowly regained my composure.

“The Chiarre system. We just passed through the wormhole, which would explain your disorientation,” she said. Of course, I thought. That makes perfect sense despite it never happening before, but I was willing to accept the explanation.

“Keep me posted if there’s anything unusual,” I said as I rose from my chair. Something was definitely off.

“Are you expecting trouble?” she asked as she watched me head back to my cabin.

Hesitating, I replied, “I’m not sure. Just keep me posted, please.” I entered my quarters and laid back against the bed in the hopes of getting a short nap. The Chiarre system at warp 7 was about a week’s journey from this point so it was a matter of settling in and dreaming about the upcoming festivities I would enjoy once I arrived. The Chiarre had never failed to welcome Cardassia to its world and it was little wonder that I loved to go there.

It was a few hours into my nap that I was awakened by ops. “Sir? Sorry to awaken you but there’s a Chiarre vessel caught in a Grakkar tractor beam. It looks like the Grekkaran time ship, sir! And the occupant of the Chiarre ship—you won’t believe this, sir, but… They’re human!”

That caught my attention. I sat up and fumbled for my shoes. “Have you tried beaming out the occupant?” I asked over the comm as I shrugged my coat on.

“Aye, sir,” ops replied. “I couldn’t get a lock, probably due to interference from the tractor beam. Also, there’s something wrong with him. His vital signs are all over the place.” Nodding, I ran onto the bridge and looked up at the screen, recognizing the ships immediately.

“Can you beam us over to the Chiarre ship?” I asked.

“Aye, sir.”

“Good. Then let’s do that. Once I have control of the situation on that vessel, I want you to target the Grekkar vessel, specifically the exhaust for their warp core. Yes, it will destroy their ship, but that’s a risk I am willing to take. I’ve been itching to take out that time ship for years,” I said. I headed for the weapon station and started to gear up with a pulse rifle and a side arm. “Macet, Crevor, you’re with me. Evrit, Corusan and Greves, stay here in case I need you to extract us for any reason.”

With the three of us geared up and ready to aid the human on the Chiarre ship, I gave the word to energize and soon felt the familiar tingling sensation of the transporter field surrounded me as we fast traveled to the other ship.

Upon arriving, even before we had fully materialized, I had my pulse rifle up and at the ready. Sure enough, three Grekkar and a human, a Starfleet doctor by the look of his uniform, were in a tense confrontation, a Grekkar male having just pressed a hypospray against the man’s throat. “Doctor Bashir?” I gasped as I lurched forward to him, my gun pointed at the enemies before us.

“Gar-ack…” Julian gasped as he sagged in his captor’s arms.

“Hurry! Get us back on the ship,” a Grekkar was shouting into his comm unit.

I fired, killing him instantly. This signaled my men to fire at the remaining Grekkar, killing them all. I stepped over them and gathered Julian in my arms as he slumped to the floor. “How do I help you? Tell me what to do!” I said, panicking as I struggled to hold myself together.

“My medical kit has the antidote,” Julian gasped, his eyes flicking over to the box.

I looked up at the two Cardassians, one of them Gul Macet’s youngest son, and asked them to get us free of the tractor beam. “We’re trying,” Macet said. “They have a good grip on us, sir. I’ll fire on the beam generator and see if it can shake us free.”

“Do it! Get us out of here.” I pulled Julian’s kit closer and opened it. “What do I use?” Julian pointed to one of the vials, one with a pink label and I recognized it immediately. “This is a neural stimulant… Are you sure that’s the one?” The doctor nodded and I obligingly loaded the hypospray with the vial. “Before I do this… Know that I love you.” He attempted to smile and closed his eyes as I pressed the device to his throat.

Slowly, he relaxed and opened his eyes to mine. “I love you, too,” he whispered as he looked up at me. The ship gave a sudden hard lurch as Macet fired weapons at the tractor beam generator and destroyed it, instantly freeing us. My other man grabbed the helm controls and, after quickly looking them over to figure them out, he sent the ship wheeling away from the Grekkar time ship. “Shields up! Cardassian Yacht, do you read me?” I said from the floor where I was cradling Julian against my chest.

From the other ship, Evrit replied, “Aye, sir, loud and clear.”

“ _Fire_.”

**Epilogue.**

I could easily go into detail about how my little ship sent two small photon torpedoes into the exhaust vent of the Grekkar time ship and blew it to dust, setting their time travel program back several decades. I could expound upon the incredible sex Julian and I had in my quarters once we got aboard my ship. I could even go into detail about how I explained my part of the plan to fix the Grekkar mess to Starfleet’s Temporal Investigations Department and how they used my memoir to figure it all out—and subsequently confiscated my data crystal. Thankfully, I always keep spare copies.

I could go into all of this and fatten up the last few paragraphs of my story and give it a proper ending.

But I won’t.

Why?

Because my story isn’t over. There will be no satisfying end to this.

Because, in the grand scheme of things, time means very little as long as the actions themselves speak. Put into perspective, time is irrelevant because time only ends when awareness of time ends and that end is death. As long as there is life, stories continue and can be expanded upon, chapters added and time marches ever onward. Julian and I did eventually get married and yes, Ezri Dax did not take it well despite our attempt to… Well, time enough to go into that later. There is always time to go into that as long as I draw breath.

End


End file.
